I don't remember any of my friends being bullied in elementary school. Is it possible that there weren't any bullies in elementary school when I was young? I doubt it. But we weren't aware of it like we are today. We have programs in schools to help bring awareness to staff and students. We send messages to parents telling them there is zero-tolerance for bullying in our schools. Teachers are encouraged to let students know they can talk to them whenever they want about any problems they are facing. As part of Side & Johnson's research (2014), they interviewed students between the ages of 13 and 15 who had all experienced being bullied (either cyber bullying, physical and/or verbal bullying). Out of the eight students who participated in this interview, only one of them had seen their school's anti-bullying policy beforehand. Once shown the policy, the students didn't agree with the way they were supported, meaning what was on paper and how they were actually supported was different. These eight students had all found a supportive teacher but did not appreciate how the school took care of the situation. I remember one of my friends being bullied in high school. Girls teased her about the colour of her hair, the stains on her teeth and even bought her a toothbrush once. She cried a lot. I didn't know how to help her. I didn't report the incident. I didn't talk to anyone about it. As an adult however, I recounted the stories to my mom and she was shocked! She remembered my high school friend very well and asked me why I didn't do anything about it. I became a statistic -a bystander who did nothing to help her friend. Those girls were mean. Not to me. Never to me. She was one of my closest friends. Had there been an anti-bullying program when I was young, would I have been more likely to report the incident? I would like to think so, but I can't say for sure. According to Petrosino et al. (2010), 64% of bullying in schools goes unreported. 64%! That is more than half of all cases that we are aware of. Something needs to change. I first met Lisa Dixon-Wells at a school that I used to teach at. She is the founder of a bullying prevention program called Dare to Care. She started it in her hometown of Calgary. She founded the program because she felt the need to help children and teenagers. Dixon-Wells introduced herself to our staff and parents one day after school. She worked in the school system and told us that she met students who had so much anxiety that they couldn't even go to school. Her purpose was to create a common language so that when students, teachers and parents see something wrong in the community, they know which steps to take in order report it immediately. These programs are available to schools across the country and I would highly recommend it to anyone. www.daretocare.ca/ So, how do you get students/children to admit that there is bullying going on? According to Dixon-Wells, children need to be taught what to say. She says that children should learn to use the following catch-phrase: "Excuse-me. Can you please help me? This person (insert name here) has been bothering me for X amount of time and I need help!". Simple enough! Everyone can learn to use this statement. She says that a lot of times, if a child reports bullying to an adult, it might come out as complaining and the adult's brain might shut off and tune the child out. I myself have been approached by many of my students complaining about what happened at recess or at lunchtime. It is so difficult to determine if it is bullying or a matter of tattle-tailing. And it is very challenging to deal with it right away when other students are waiting for you in class. One year, I failed to recognize a case of bullying in my very own classroom. I think about it all the time. How did I not do anything about it? I gave points to students who followed simple procedure, such as placing their shoes properly on the bench, taking out their agendas in the morning, finding a book to read...One student approached me one day at recess (let's call her Allison) and told me that another student (let's call her Molly) would move her shoes off the bench and onto the floor every day so that Allison wouldn't get any point. She also told me that Molly would do the same in art class. I listened to her, I told her that was awful. I spoke with Molly about her behaviour but she denied it. And that's it. I had to teach. I went on with my day but failed to realize that Allison lived through this over and over again. Thankfully, Allison approached the Daycare coordinator and told her the whole story. The daycare coordinator wrote everything down. She approached me afterwards and recounted everything that Molly had been doing to Allison. The daycare coordinator approached the principal and the principal called in Molly. I was invited to attend the meeting between Molly and the principal At first, Molly denied EVERYTHING, just like she did with me. The principal told her she needed to be completely honest, that another student was being hurt and that she couldn't help her if she didn't know the truth of the matter. At this, Molly broke down and confessed everything. The principal contacted Molly's parents, with Molly in the room, and told her how proud she was of Molly divulging the truth about everything. The principal wanted the parents to be aware as Molly would be in high school in a few years and didn't want her to target any other students. She wanted bullying to be stamped out right then and there. What if Allison hadn't approached the daycare coordinator? What if the daycare coordinator hadn't approached the principal? If this hadn't happened, Allison would have gone her whole life knowing that she wasn't supported by her school. According to Cowie, H. et al. (2005) schools would benefit from training other students to become peer supporters. They recommend that students be trained to detect problems in the school yard and to intervene. After the incident with Molly and Allison, I decided to start a girls and boys club at school. I invited all girls for a meeting at lunch time one day and boys for a meeting at lunch time on a separate day. It was an opportunity for the students to openly talk about any problems they encountered at school. The teachers involved taught them tricks and tips on what to do when they encountered problems with other students. The goal was for kids to seek out help when needed, and for bystanders to be proactive and to report the incident. There are many different definitions of bullying but the one that makes the most sense to me in the elementary school is the one given by Dixon-Wells who says that if it is a repeated offence, it is considered bullying. Like my high school friend who was repeatedly teased by the same girls over and over again. That was bullying. A student who takes a ball away from another student is not considered bullying. It happened once. It's not very nice, but if this child doesn't do anything else to this student, then it's a one-time offence and not considered bullying. Teachers should have open conversations about bullying with their students. They should take a few minutes a day to speak with children about the importance of looking out for one another and taking care of each other, which includes reporting any incidents to their teachers. Administrators should speak with their staff about having a common language with their students. Parents need to have these conversations early on with their children too. They need to teach them to be nice to others and that they have a responsibility of reporting bad behaviour to their parents or teachers. If children, teachers, administrators and the community have a common language, perhaps we can come one step closer to preventing bullying. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
References and recommended readings Cowie, H & Hutson, N (2005) Peer Support: A Strategy to Help Bystanders Challenge School Bullying, Pastoral Care in Education, 23:2, 40-44, DOI: 10.1111/j.0264-3944.2005.00331.x Petrosino, A., Guckenburg, S., DeVoe, J., & Hanson, T. (2010). What Characteristics of Bullying, Bullying Victims, and Schools Are Associated with Increased Reporting of Bullying to School Officials? Issues & Answers. REL 2010-No. 092. Regional Educational Laboratory Northeast & Islands. Side, J., & Johnson, K. (2014) Bullying in schools: why it happens, how it makes young people feel and what we can do about it, Educational Psychology in Practice, 30:3, 217-231, DOI: 10.1080/02667363.2014.915209
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